I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
