What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
