Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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