At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
