my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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