Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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