I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize