Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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