I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
