I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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