do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
