he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize