Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
