If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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