he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
