My underwear smells like fireworks.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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