You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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