It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
