I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
