you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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