Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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