i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
