Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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