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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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