...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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