u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found your dick twin last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
