Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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