There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dignity is for republicans.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize