i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
