You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
