It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize