tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
