im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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