Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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