I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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