Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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