You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
