I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
