he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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