the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
