I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
