I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
