You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize