I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
