I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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