I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
