on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
