please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
