i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
