please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
