I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
