I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's the barista slut.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
