Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
