Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
