don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
