the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize