nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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