Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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