Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
