Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize