Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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