the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
