I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
