Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize