addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
