I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
