Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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