This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
