from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
